Archive Anecdotage

47 Coffee Kiev

'Hello, room service?
Room 406, I'd like a large pot of coffee please'
'One or two?'
'Pardon me?'
'One or two?'
'People? It's just me, one'
'Well, I need only one cup but I would like enough coffee to fill four cups'
'You want four cups?'
'No just one cup but lots of coffee; I'm at my desk all day and I don't want to keep phoning room service for coffee.'
'So, how many cups?
'Oh, I get it…Yes, I'll have four cups please.'
'Four cups?'

'Hello again, room service? This is 406…
…You have sent me four cups of coffee, all in cups, it's all cold and there's no pot!
May I have a large pot of coffee?…I know you have them because I had one this morning. It was a nice large pot but there was hardly any coffee in it. I would like a large pot of coffee, full of coffee…please. I do apologise, my Russian is very poor, but you are an International Hotel, so maybe you have someone there that speaks English and can help me get some coffee.'
'I speak English, you have coffee; we sent it.'
'But it's cold.'
'We send more, four cups yes?'
'Never mind, I'll have a coke instead please'
'Diet, Zero or Classic?'

© Ian Gillan 2011

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