The complete lyrics - all in good time
some = all / the effluxion of time

24 Vavoom, Ted the Mechanic

(Gillan, Glover, Lord, Morse, Paice) from the Deep Purple album 'Purpendicular'

Sometime during the late '80s, in Stowe, VT, when we were writing the DP album 'The House of Blue Light', I met a man in the pub.

It was mid afternoon and I had escaped from the 'Playhouse' where the rest of the band was squirming in creative angst. The idea was to find a quiet corner where I could work on a nascent idea, along with a fine pint of inspirational bitter. Well that was the plan until in walked what's'isname.

One of those kind of guys; he wanted to talk and so we got into an easy conversation. Over the next hour or so he told me his life story and I managed to scribble it all down on a few napkins, which I put into my exercise book and promptly forgot……until some years later when they fell to the floor as I was moving my stuff.

I was intrigued that it was possible to encapsulate an entire life on to a few napkins. Obviously it wasn't an entire life, but all the important bits that he wanted to talk about. Needless to say all of it was far to boring to justify a song, but I took a few snippets and then used my imagination. His name wasn't Ted, but it is now, and he wasn't a mechanic either.

I'd never heard the word Vavoom used in dialogue until a friend of mine 'Twinks', used it to describe the sort of thing a girl should have if she wanted to get on in life. The 'sort of thing' being the pelvic thrust perfected by one of the artistes at the Cabaret Club, in Orlando. This was when it was a real strip club, now they all wear knickers, disgraceful, and more to the point, really stupid!

Vavoom: Ted the Mechanic


Playing pool and drinking beer
Nothing more'n the
Occasional tear
But this man's life goes on
And he gets
Greased all over
From time to time
At the strip joint, where we met
He said 'Hi, my name is Ted
See that one over there
That ball of thunder
Every time she goes Vavoom,
I wiggle in my chair
Can I buy you a beer?
What a guy

'I've had a few myself' he said
'But I never quit when I'm ahead
Too many rules and regulations
Stupid laws designed by fools behind closed doors
And another thing I won't discuss is religion
It always causes a fight
There she goes again
'How does she do that' said Ted

And he told me
Of those injustices (that)
He had suffered in his life
His wife and kids
And boss and dogs
And neighbours
Raising Cain and causing strife
They were forever whining
Bleating howling yapping
Screeching moaning crying
He fed them well
He kept them warm

Thing about Ted
He didn't really care
Nothing much got in his hair
And the beauty of it was
That he was right
He was big as a truck
And fast as a door
(What's that?)
He was always right
The banjo player took a hike
What's that song
I used to like
He was big as a truck
Fast as a door - Ted
Ted the mechanic

Top man our Ted

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